‘I don’t think I’ll forget the tight knot I felt in the pit of my stomach the morning I received the text message with three simple words on the screen. It read 'I’m getting married’ and it was from the man I’d spent more than 10 years of my life with.
‘Years that included us getting engaged in 2000 and becoming parents to one daughter and two sons. Yet not long after our separation Lamar Odom was getting married to Khloe Kardashian, a woman he’d met four weeks before.’
‘How could the man who’d constantly given me reason after reason for why we couldn’t get married just yet now be ready to tie the knot so quickly? There aren’t words to explain how I felt that day.’Wow! That's life! See more after the cut...
I struggled to deal with all the groupies around him and with whatever else that was going on and just stayed put. My denial came to an abrupt end in 2006 after the death of Jayden. Lamar and I never really talked about our loss, which I know wasn’t healthy and also meant our relationship would never last. It couldn’t. I found out soon after that he’d had a long-term relationship with another woman—a relationship he said he’d end but he didn’t—and that was that.
We kept things cordial for the
children’s sake after the breakup, but that changed when he married
Khloe. Now we only communicate through third parties and lawyers, which I
regret deeply since it is exactly what we each experienced as children
and said we wouldn’t do to our kids.
I’ve
only met Khloe once, at my request since she is my children’s
stepmother and I felt it was important to get a sense of her and what
she’s like around my children. It was a very pleasant meeting, she gave
me a hug so I’m happy it happened.
Though
some frown upon my decision to do a reality show, I agreed to be a part
of “Starter Wives” so I could tell my own story of how things unfolded
after Lamar married Khloe. We weren’t really together so I didn’t fall
apart as many have suggested. I’ve have to deal with a lot of tabloid
lies as the result of all the attention Lamar gets since he’s married to
someone so famous.
To
be honest I’m really doing the show for my daughter to prove to her
that you can get up and move on after things fall apart. I did it to
show her how you make mistakes and fix them and that you can never give
up on yourself. She needed to see that and hear it from me. I think I
also hope my father sees it as well. The only time I’ve seen my dad in
recent years was at the funeral for my son. That was the first time
Lamar had ever met him or that the kids had a chance to meet him. I’d
really love for my kids to have their grandparents in their lives.
They've met Lamar's father (his mother passed away before we met) and
are very close to my mother. I’d like to see that change and see them
have relationships with both of their grandfathers.
As
I continue to move on with my life, it can be difficult to avoid
hearing about the Kardashians day in and day out. But I do what I can to
ignore the constant chatter and I try to keep it from the kids as well
so they can have a life that is as normal as possible. I am hopeful that
one day I will have a cordial relationship again with Lamar, but until
then I have to think of myself and the future I’d like to have given
that I’m still in my early 30’s.
I
know Lamar wasn’t that happy with the show but it’s helping me move on
with my life by getting my truth out there and that’s what’s important.
I’m taking college courses now to help with my dream of creating a skin
care line in the future. I spent a great deal of my young life focused
only on Lamar and his world. That’s all over now. I'm looking forward to
meeting someone new and finding a love again and finally walking down
the aisle. I'm hopeful that I'll find someone willing to be a role model
and a father figure for my children. They deserve that. Today it’s
about me and the kids and moving forward. No anger or regrets. Just
lessons learned and good days ahead.
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